just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
