You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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