i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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