Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
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He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
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When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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