Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
