I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
