You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
