considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
