after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
