I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize