Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
