he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
