i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
