that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
