you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize