Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
