based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
