So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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