he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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