Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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