kristin has been a bad kristin
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
