We're like a lot better than the average bears
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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