I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
