my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
