peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I need moral support for this bender
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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