ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
