nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
