would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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