I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
