i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
