so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
