Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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