8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
