Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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