do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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