i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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