No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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