A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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