Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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