I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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