In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
