Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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