Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
