I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
