no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
