My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
