You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
