I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
