the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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