There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
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Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
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Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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