Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
