Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
