I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
