I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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