Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
