he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
