Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
