He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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