i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What's dad's email?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.