those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?