Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?