There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
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she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
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You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.