This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.