my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.