hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
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No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
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I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator