id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
