i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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