3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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