We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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